He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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