I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this just has baby written all over it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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