I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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