don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
