It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
