Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
