roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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