As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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