they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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