Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
