Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
