It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
