I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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