he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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