I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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