I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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