I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
