well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
