She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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