so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
