I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
