I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
