I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
