You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
