I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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