yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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