Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
