happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
