i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
