does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
