You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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