believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
