I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
