you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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