I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
