The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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