My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
