Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
