Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
