I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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