i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
your room smells of hookers.
And success
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
