My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
