Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
should my penis look like a turkey
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
