It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
