That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
