Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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