Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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