dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
