sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Enjoy the penises
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
