and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
