oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
