I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
