Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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