Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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