it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
