The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Drake has all the answers
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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