Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize