ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
