He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
