He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
