so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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