I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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