If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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