Cold hands, warm shart.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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