im about as happy as oj after his trial
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
