There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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