So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
