it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
