having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
