I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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