the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
