My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Never joke about your clitoris.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
