She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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