I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
two words...techno handjob
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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