So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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